April 4th, 2010
On our way from dinner to a movie, a car whipped out of a parking lot, cutting me off. She screamed at the car, “F-ing Jew!” I was obviously taken aback and asked her what their religion had to do with their driving skills. This started her into a 10 minute monologue about how the gays and the blacks and the Jews (although she used slurs in place of the words “gay” and “black”) were destroying America. Instead of going to the movie, I dropped her off. Two weeks later, she left me a message saying, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult your people.”
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April 7th, 2010
We met at a bar, and after a few hours, he came home with me. We started to make out, and he called me "Melissa"--not even close. Then he stands up, runs to the bathroom but doesn't make it, projectile vomiting all over the hallway and into my roommates' closet and shoes (with my orthodics in them). When I go to clean it up, he tried to undress me, and I pushed him away (the smell of vomit is not really a turn-on). So he then passes out in my bed, wakes up after he has peed all over my sheets, and sneaks out. Luckily, he left his cell phone by accident, which I used to call his friends tell them what he'd done.
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March 30th, 2010
On the night of our date, he showed up an hour late to pick me up. When he did show up, he just stayed outside my house on his motorcycle and beeped the horn. I ignored him until he came to the door. We took off on the motorcycle, I thought to dinner, but he ended up driving us around for an hour, at times in the rain. When we eventually stopped, he said, "I worked out today, so I need to eat some chicken. Is there a chicken shop near your place?" I told him I was vegetarian. Still, he drove us to the chicken shop, bought a whole chicken (I didn't get anything), and then invited himself back to my place. He ate the chicken with his fingers and without a plate. After he finished his eating, he walked over to my DVDs, pulled out a movie, and put it on without asking me. I told him I had to get up early, but he didn't seem concerned. After the movie, I thought he'd finally leave, but he put on the TV and watched Overhaulin' until 1am! I tried several times to get rid of him, saying I was really tired and needed to go to bed. In the end, I had to actually walk over to the door, open it, and say "Please leave."
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March 26th, 2010
We met online and had emailed for a few weeks, with both of us posting pictures. On the day we decided to meet, it was pouring down rain. He called to say he was outside in the car, so I ran out to meet him. I got in, my hair dripping wet, and said hello. His response: "Sorry, I'm not interested." He unlocked the doors and barely waited for me to get out of the car before he took off.
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May 4th, 2010
This guy asked me out to dinner, and we had great conversation, great beer, great food. The waitress drops the check, and it sits at the table for probably 10 minutes and he hasn't offered to pay, so I figure we're going dutch, which is fine. So I put down my half and hand the check to him. That's when says he doesn't have any money (in our conversation, he'd mentioned he has two jobs). I say, "You're seriously doing this? That's a pretty ballsy move." He tells me, "credit cards are evil." I ask if he has any cash then. He says no, and to prove this, he takes his wallet out of his pocket, counts out $23 in cash, says "See? I don't have any money," and PUTS THE CASH BACK in his wallet.
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April 5th, 2010
I met this guy for a drink and we decided to share an appetizer of artichoke dip. It came with a handful of pita bread triangles, and he ate all but one of them, which he so graciously let me have. Since there was so much dip left, I was about to ask the server for more bread, when I saw him grab the bowl of dip and sink his fingers into it. He then ate the entire bowl of hot artichoke dip with his index and middle finger, wiping the bowl clean.
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March 25th, 2010
In our first conversation, he mentioned he didn't drink alcohol (fine with me). We made a date to go to the race track, and when we met there, he was holding a six-pack. Within the 15 minutes, he had already drained four bottles. We ran into his friend at the track, and they proceeded to have a drinking contest of chugging rum and Cokes. He was so blitzed that I decided to just leave and catch a train home myself. As he walked me to the train station, he stopped to urinate on a car; then, as I went to get on the train, he started to wail that if I actually tried to leave, he would throw himself on the track (I left anyway). I got a call from him five hours later...because he was in jail for public intoxication and wanted me to come bail him out.
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March 23rd, 2010
We both liked to dance, so we agreed to go out for a light meal and then go a club. But when we met up, he said his back hurt so we had to skip dancing. So we went to dinner, where he proceeded to tell me how he had just lost his job--apparently his boss was a terrible bitch who fired him because she was jealous of him. Then he told me he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend, that she was his soulmate but the problem was that she was a bad kisser. He then asked if I could demonstrate for her how it was done and pulled out his phone to try to record himself kissing me. When I pulled away, he started cursing at me and telling me I was an ugly bitch with (surprise!) a jealousy problem.
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April 1st, 2010
There was a guy in my office who worked on another team but always hung around my department chatting and sometimes said hi to me. One day, he stopped by my desk and asked me to dinner. I had no idea what his name was, and I didn't find him particularly attractive, but he seemed nice, so I said okay. He picks me up and takes me to the priciest restaurant in the city, and after a few minutes, I can already tell there's no chemistry for me. Over appetizers, he says, "I've been watching you since the first day you started, on December 6th," which was nearly two years before. Weird. Then he recounts exactly what I was wearing that day. He says he's asked everyone at work about me and that he "sees a real future for us." To let him down easy, I tell him I just got out of a bad relationship and don't want to be with anyone, but he persists, saying, "You're not going to change my mind. I'm determined to date you." I'm scrambling for what to say, so I suddenly blurt out a lie: "I can't date you...because I have herpes!" I'm mortified but I figure it will finally shake him loose. He pauses for a moment. Then he beams and says, "It's okay. I have herpes too!"
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May 3rd, 2010
I met a guy on the London Underground and we exchanged numbers. Turns out he was the son of an African despot. We went out, and he spent our entire date saying how his race should be the dominant one and that someday "whitey will get it." He was also really rude to our waitress, who was wearing semi-revealing top. That's when he told me that he "pities" women because "they need to be controlled." I stood up and walked out.
