Bad dates are good material.

There was a guy in my office who worked on another team but always hung around my department chatting and sometimes said hi to me. One day, he stopped by my desk and asked me to dinner. I had no idea what his name was, and I didn’t find him particularly attractive, but he seemed nice, so I said okay.

He picks me up and takes me to the priciest restaurant in the city, and after a few minutes, I can already tell there’s no chemistry for me. Over appetizers, he says, “I’ve been watching you since the first day you started, on December 6th,” which was nearly two years before. Weird. Then he recounts exactly what I was wearing that day. He says he’s asked everyone at work about me and that he “sees a real future for us.” To let him down easy, I tell him I just got out of a bad relationship and don’t want to be with anyone, but he persists, saying, “You’re not going to change my mind. I’m determined to date you.” I’m scrambling for what to say, so I suddenly blurt out a lie: “I can’t date you…because I have herpes!” I’m mortified but I figure it will finally shake him loose. He pauses for a moment. Then he beams and says, “It’s okay. I have herpes too!”